Judgemental Tubors

I declare this marriage to be a success.

As most of you know, Ross and I both enjoy cooking, but in rather different ways. We rarely cook at the same time. Every once in a while, I would succeed in getting Ross to sous-chef for me (i.e. chop vegetables, wash spinach, grate cheese….), but it rarely turned out well, and frequently resulted in stoney silences and tone of eye. This has led to a rather vexing inefficiency, in which one person cooks an entire meal without assistance while the other person wilts from hunger. Or hanger, depending on the situation.

Tonight, we had to make it work. You see, we didn’t do the usual meal prep we normally do on the weekends (we were too busy watching movies at the Bytowne!), so Ross was stuck making a pot pie for tonight, while I needed to make the sauce for a rather elaborate meal later in the week. So I came home, cleaned up the kitchen, and established workspaces. We were both committed to the cooking. We managed to stay out of each other’s way, still have pleasant conversation, do a little dancing (there’s always music in the kitchen, and lame-o white people dancing), and have a nice time with nary a tone of eye.

Here’s the transcript of a particularly amusing little exchange, which should really be filed under “things my husband says”:

Me: May I use your cutting board, please?
Ross: Sure. (Looks over). You can move the sweet potato and put it in the bowl.
Me: Actually, it’s keeping me company.
Ross: **silence**
Me: God damn garlic! Give it up already! (Yelling at a particularly tough garlic bulb.)
Me: Actually, this sweet potato is judging me now. It’s a very judgy tubor.
Ross: The tubor’s not the only one in the kitchen judging you.
Me: **Tone of eye**
Ross: (Walks over and hugs me) I’ll give that tubor something to judge.
Me: What?
Ross: It sounded better in my head.

And I know what some of you are thinking. STFU marrieds.


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