Quitting Yoga

Supta Kurmasana makes me crazy. Yesterday, it almost made me quit yoga. Here’s what happened.

I was having a bit of a rough practice – my focus wasn’t there, so my mind kept wandering. As many of you may recall, I’m ~still~ stuck on marichyasana D and suptakurmasana. So in MariD, I’m getting closer to binding, but it’s still really hard, and makes my back hurt a bit. Mostly in a stretchy kind of way, but still…it’s a bit uncomfortable, and frankly, emotional. I normally get an adjustment here, but not today. In fact, I didn’t get any adjustments for most of my practice. This isn’t normally a problem – I’m used to just doing my own thing. However, it turns out that I’m pretty attached to adjustments in MariD and SuptaK. So I did my thing in MariD, kinda grunted to myself about a lack of adjustment, despite being ~so close~ to binding, and carried on….trying to focus.

Then came SuptaK. I did Kurmasana, and then sat up and did a bit of leg-behind-the head in preparation. All that was fine. Then I bent forward and tried to scootch my feet together. No real luck. They moved a bit, but not much. Then I tried to bind. I swear to god my arms are complete cement blocks in this position. There is no movement. Unless someone really yanks on me, which actually feels really good. So I kinda waited there for a bit, seeing if one of the two teachers in the room would come over and adjust me. No luck. I stayed a bit longer. And longer.

I thought to myself:

“This is the stupidest thing I do, by far.

I’m trying to get my legs behind my head so I can wrap my arms around my legs and then hold them behind my back. WTF?

What’s the definition of insanity again? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?

I should just quit.

Yeah. Quit yoga. That would be great.

Think of all the extra time I’d have! A whole two hours in the morning!

Hmm…but what would I do to feel better when my body hurt?

Yeah…that’s a bit of a problem. I guess I need to keep doing yoga.

But seriously. What is UP with this pose? Stupid. Stupid tortoise.

I really wish the teachers would just help me with this. I’m not going anywhere without their help.

Hm. I guess “going somewhere” isn’t really the point of the practice.

But seriously. What do you have to do to get an adjustment around here???

I am going to be stuck in suptaK for the rest of my life.

So what?

Well, it’s a bit embarassing.

Meh. So is this whole yoga thing.

So I’m just going to stay here for a while, then?

I don’t see what other choice I have.

Stupid F$*(#ing yoga.

I then carried on with my practice. So I guess I’m not going to quit yoga. But I definitely thought about it!

Fuck you, yoga.

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2 thoughts on “Quitting Yoga

  1. My friend, you seem to have entered a very un-yogic place in your practice, or at least, on this particular day. Do you think that the line “only go as far as you are comfortable with today” does not apply to a more advanced practice? I don’t want you to think I’m trying to give you a hard time… I’m just trying to warn you. Look what happened to our friend Stephanie who thought yoga was a competition. Now she is a Crossfit junkie and will likely adopt a paleo diet any day. Next thing you know she will be asking me for raw steak for breakfast. I don’t want this for you, so take a breath, maybe even a break, and then refocus on how good yoga makes your body feel regardless of whether you are able to bind in SuptaK!

    BTW… I hear ya about adjustments. The only reason I kept up with yoga as long as I did was because my teacher was a hot spanish dancer who always found ways to adjust me by laying across my body. Sigh…

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